I Need To Make Peace With My Past

I need to make peace with my past. My childhood in particular. This has occurred to me very recently. My sister has started potty training my 22 month old niece. That has brought back a handful of memories from my childhood. There were maybe 3 or 4 times that I was yelled at and scolded in a loud manner, the three or four accidents that I had between the ages 3 and 8. All of them having to do with poo and than my mum wondered why I was so reluctant to go poo during the daytime hours. I'd wait until after dark in the winter and after supper in the summer, because I had it in my mind that poo was evil and it was evil to go poo during the brightest of the daylight hours. Another childhood memory that I have concerning poo, is straining to poop every time that we were going to take a long trip or a long ride somewhere, starting the summer that I was 8 going on 9. I would do anything that it would take for me to go poo, usually using a lot of force and I've damaged a lot of nerves and muscles in my rectum and anus doing that.

During my teens and twenties, I didn't have any feeling in that part of my body anymore. Somehow, I've managed to keep up my hygiene. In my 30s, my nerves and muscles were so shot back there, that I've lost a lot of control back there and I wear Depends these days. It's not as big of a deal as I thought it was in 2006 and 2007. There are two icons of the 1960s who started wearing them, one being my role model who started wearing them at a very young age of 22 or even sooner. I have a very good eye for detail looking at pictures and I can pick up on stuff like that. If you really want to know their names, the names are Mick Avory and Bob Dyllan. Both with either HFA or AS. That's just two successful people on the spectrum. You parents don't need to worry, because 70% of grown adults on the spectrum don't have those problems.