Friday, May 20, 2011

Forced Change Is Not Good

Forced change is not good for people on the autistic spectrum.

I remember the spring and the summer of 1998. The worse summer months of my life. I felt that my parents didn't accept me the way that I was. I knew that my mum wanted me to be more feminine and I just wasn't ready for that. I will never be ready for that. She was talking me into buying clothes that were more feminine than what I was used to, or than the stuff that I wanted to wear. Clothes that were almost painted on to my body. She was also trying to turn me against The Kinks. That really pissed me off. She even compared me to Mick Avory of The Kinks in a patronizing manner. That caused 11 years of forced nerdiness and toughness. I've started out an Austin Powers like nerd and than I had to prove my toughness towards the end, after losing an online friend, by living the life of a Punk Rocker.

I came out of the ruins of the forced change in the September of 2009, accepting myself for the first time in my life. I've even accepted how much like Mick Avory I really am. I've decided that nobody is going to force me to change, this time. There might be people on the Internet who might not understand this about me. I've made up my mind that I'd rather face my Matrix head on and let my true colours show, than pretend to be like the 20 to 30 something year old women that I see walking around with their cute feminine clothes and their done up hair, who starve themselves to what they call female perfection.