Glow in The Dark Paintings and Holographic Art

I've been working with holographic adhesive vinyl transforming objects that I've found in recycling bins and blue boxes.  I have the finished projects all in one spot.  I've actually done a plethora of many arts & crafts since I was laid off from my greeter position at TD.  I've also done some glow in the dark paintings that are now drying. 

It gives me satisfaction to know that I'm getting projects done while trouble makers are outside my window from time to time making ignorant noises.  I know it's not nice to say, but it's true.

Back after a long stretch

I got so busy with my life that I forgot about my blogs.  I'm still part of the Pro-Life movement and I've been doing pretty well.  I've also been doing lots of walking.  I'm also going to start looking for work in a couple of weeks.  It's tough not having a job.  My old job was a part of my identity.  We all got laid off last October on the 31st.  I'm just hoping that the changes in background of my blog are going to show up.

I wish everybody a good day.

It's Autism Awareness Month in Canada

It's Autism Awareness month in Canada and I'm not that thrilled about it.  All the media cares to talk about are special diets, cures and treatments.  There's never any mention about the positive things about autism.  They only focus on the negatives.  Experts and families are constantly pushing for a cure.  Many people on the spectrum including myself don't wish to be cured.  I'm just happy that I'm not watching TV these days.  I get to avoid those Autism Speaks commercials. 

Assertiveness

I've decided to be more assertive with my mum a couple of weeks ago.  She was insisting that it's fun to remember things from the past that I like, but I have to live in the present.  I sat around for a few minutes, than I've decided to quiz her on it.  I've phoned her back and asked what she meant by living for today, in the present.  I asked if she meant that she wanted me to be more like my sister, who's three years younger than I am.  I've also asked her if she meant that she wants me to be like everybody else.

She said these words to me:

"All your life, you've been trying to live in some decade.  First you tried to be the Beatle, than you tried to be the Kink and than you tried to be Austin Powers."  I've interrupted her and said,  "I was being myself when I was dressing like The Kinks in the 90s." 

She asked, "You were?"

I answered, "Yes, I was."

She said, "I think the only reason that you've phoned, is to start an argument!"

I told her that I had to go.  She told me not to hang up, all pissed off.  I told her that I really had to go and hung up on her.  I went to the pharmacy to see what kind of expensive products they had, than I went back to my apartment.  My mum phoned me when I was gone, so I phoned her back.

I told her:

"I like the 60s more than most people.  That's my happy place."

She said, "And of course you're going to wear the same clothes as The Kinks, because you like those clothes."

I actually did tried living in the present between 2007 and the late August of 2009.  I wasn't doing myself any favours.  I showed my rebellious side to a bunch of kids who were sitting around a nearby park on Canada Day and from that point until the early October of 2009, I went into a downward spiral of Anxiety and Depression, because I've realized the errors of my ways.  I wasn't in my happy place.  I was living in the present and taking the world as it was during that time.  I was drinking a lot of energy drinks towards the end, because I couldn't keep up with the present.

The happy ending:

I've started being myself again by going back to my 60s-type Mod roots and listening to The Kinks, again.  I'm still living for today in the present, but only in a way that I'm able to with the Internet.  It's better for me this way.  I don't have to act all tough. :)

What It's Like To Have Gender Identity Disorder

I was born female, but I've always felt male.  I've felt this way since I was 4 years old.  I told my mum that my name was Kevin a couple of times.  Children's clothes were more androgynous in the late 70s, so I was satisfied with the clothes I had.  I preferred Lego, Spider Man and cars over dolls and dresses.  Every time I was reminded that I was a girl by one parent or the other, it felt as though I was punched in the stomach.  That went on throughout my childhood.

I was a Beatles Fan when I was 13 and I liked to wear my hair just like them.  My mum would always tell me that I'm not a Beatle and than she would comb my hair back and out of my eyes, telling me that I'm a girl.  It felt as though I was punched in the stomach, again.  I had a lump in my throat for the rest of that evening and I couldn't bare to look at my girlish looking hair in the mirror.  I brushed my bangs forward the next morning.  I wasn't going to look how I didn't wish to look.

I've gone through grades 9 and 10, hating my gender and body with a passion.  I wore loose T-shirts so the guys wouldn't be able to notice my breasts and I still wore my hair like The Beatles and than later on in grade 10, with my bangs combed to the side like Mick Avory of The Kinks did in 1966.  My mum asked why I wore my hair like that, wishing that I'd poof up my bangs the way girls did in the early 90s.  She didn't say it, but I knew she was thinking it.  I was scared to tell her the truth, so I said nothing.  I should have told her that I felt male and I wanted to be a man.  Once again, I felt that I was punched in the stomach

I went through a Hippie phase as well.  Hippie is the most gender neutral thing.

I went back to the Mick Avory hair at the age of 21 and that's the way that it was going to be, whether people liked it or not. I also feel very blessed and lucky to have his face.  Most women look like well, women.

My mum attempted to convince me to be more feminine the spring and summer of 1998, than I became sick with Depression, Psychosis and Anxiety.  She'd tell me that I'm a girl and girl was a compliment to me.  It didn't take too long before I started buying male and gender neutral clothes again.

I tried Punk which is also gender neutral.

I went back to the Mick Avory hair in the fall of 2009 and it looks adorable with my Mick Avory face.  I also dress in a gender neutral fashion putting emphasis on the unisex Mod look of the Mid 1960s.  It works well, because I am a Mod.

It's been a long time

It's been a long time since I've typed in my blog.  All has been going well.  I'm doing much better than I did when I've left off.  I've also joined Swag Bucks just a couple of days ago, as well.  It's very fun to use.  I must get to bed.  I'll write tomorrow.

Forced Change Is Not Good

Forced change is not good for people on the autistic spectrum.

I remember the spring and the summer of 1998. The worse summer months of my life. I felt that my parents didn't accept me the way that I was. I knew that my mum wanted me to be more feminine and I just wasn't ready for that. I will never be ready for that. She was talking me into buying clothes that were more feminine than what I was used to, or than the stuff that I wanted to wear. Clothes that were almost painted on to my body. She was also trying to turn me against The Kinks. That really pissed me off. She even compared me to Mick Avory of The Kinks in a patronizing manner. That caused 11 years of forced nerdiness and toughness. I've started out an Austin Powers like nerd and than I had to prove my toughness towards the end, after losing an online friend, by living the life of a Punk Rocker.

I came out of the ruins of the forced change in the September of 2009, accepting myself for the first time in my life. I've even accepted how much like Mick Avory I really am. I've decided that nobody is going to force me to change, this time. There might be people on the Internet who might not understand this about me. I've made up my mind that I'd rather face my Matrix head on and let my true colours show, than pretend to be like the 20 to 30 something year old women that I see walking around with their cute feminine clothes and their done up hair, who starve themselves to what they call female perfection.

From I've Seen And Observed

I was just talking about the fact that my niece is going through the beginning of potty training and some uneasy feelings I had about it.

This has got me writing about somebody who's 30 times her age, whom I look up to very much. From what I've seen and observed, Mick Avory has the same type of "problem" that I do. I've seen many pictures taking of The Kinks and himself from the 60s until now and it was very clear that he was wearing quite a bit more than ordinary underwear. He even made light of it, the night that The Kinks were inducted into The Rock n Roll Hall Of Fame. Watch very carefully around the 5:o4 mark in the video. It's a bit of a morality booster for me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o97SEYHdKnM&feature=related

The Lies Behind The Stages

I've been through many stages in my life just lying to myself. Since a stage is putting on an act, I'd like to mention those stages that I've been through.

There was the Beatles Stage. The time that I was saying to everybody that I liked The Beatles. My speaking was very far from the truth. I talked about them all the time and bought their music. There was a group that I liked, better than The Beatles. Nobody knew, because that truth never got to see the light of day. I got scolded by my dad for talking about The Beatles and my mum told me that I have a one track mind. I don't think that it's right to be scolded and ridiculed for hiding who you really are.

Another stage was the Hippie Stage. I grew my hair longer and wore strange looking clothes. I wore flowered blouses, tie-dyed T-shirts, beads, headbands and sandals. I'm sure that my parents were shaking their heads at me, because I was going through another stage. Besides, how could the original version of 'You Really Got Me', be the favourite song of a hippie? A rule of thumb is that hippies like songs about protest, peace and flowers. My favourite song wasn't about any of those three things. It was about a Mod who wanted to marry another Mod of the opposite sex.

I didn't go through any stages from late 1994 to 1997. This was one of the better times of my life. I was listening to The Kinks foremost and the other British Invasion bands. I was telling my parents and coworkers things as they are, because I wasn't putting on an act. I wasn't wearing disguises or telling any lies. I was just being Shelby Munro at her best.

I took a turn for the worse in the Summer of 1998. My mum pointed out how I came pretty close to Mick Avory and than I started buying all this quasi futuristic stuff like the stuff that my mum threw away, as a way of emotionally abusing me. I got the horn rimmed glasses two years later. I wasn't going to be mistaken as someone who had the intelligence of a drummer. I guess I was aware of my true appearance, to get those glasses for that reason. I was also sick of being treated like I was Intellectually Disabled. I thought that horn rimmed glasses would make me seem intelligent and make everybody want to back off! That was my Austin Powers Stage. I was putting on an act and wasting my time.

Another stage was my 70s Punk Rock Stage. I was called a victim and told that I needed to take classes that would make me look less like a victim. I became angry at society and turned against The Kinks and the finer things in life. I was depressed. All this happened, after the incident with that guy in the wheelchair and that break up on the Internet. I didn't want guys looking at me and I also didn't want anything that had to do with the ways of society. I played the part of the tough Punker and spiked my hair with green hair putty and hairspray. That was the stage to end all stages.

I am not going through a stage right now. I don't see any reason that I would want to lie to myself, any more. Stages do not make me happy. The Kinks make me happy, and Mick Avory will be my role model until the day that I die. I hope I live a long life.

Today's The Day

I'm going to talk to one of the counselors at the soup kitchen today. I now have a real problem to talk to those people about. The problems that I've mentioned in my last entry. My contact worker at Stepping Stones won't help me with a troubling part of my past that popped up, all of the sudden, so I'm going to get that outside help today. The warden only tells me that I'm going to have to let it go. She doesn't give me any tips. I guess that she doesn't know how. I don't feel that I can talk to her, until I put those shitty memories behind me. I've wasted my evening reading self help articles, and I don't care to read anything that doesn't have to do with music. I have a feeling that things will go well between the counselors and I, this morning.

Counseling

I'm planning to see if I can get some free counseling somewhere. I have a lot of issues from my past that need to be resolved. I've been having flashbacks about the small handful of toilet accidents that I've had as a child. I didn't say 50 accidents, I said a handful. My 22 year old niece is in the very early stages of potty training. That's what triggered it. Each child is different and she hates getting her diaper changed, so that's the best for her.

After the four accidents that I was scolded and shamed for, I had a suicide attack once at the age of four, two suicide attacks at the age of 6 and a suicide attack at the age of 8. This is what I've read on the Internet somewhere:

I read in The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome that some autistic people have something like "suicide attacks", brief acute suicidal/depressive episodes that go away with rest.

Those are the attacks that I'm talking about. I've experienced one of those episodes after being scolded for a each poop accident as a child that I've mentioned. I don't feel suicidal by any means, but it's very scary to remember every word and emotion associated with those accidents. I need to talk to somebody about this, and my contact worker at my clubhouse isn't being very helpful, right now.

I Need To Make Peace With My Past

I need to make peace with my past. My childhood in particular. This has occurred to me very recently. My sister has started potty training my 22 month old niece. That has brought back a handful of memories from my childhood. There were maybe 3 or 4 times that I was yelled at and scolded in a loud manner, the three or four accidents that I had between the ages 3 and 8. All of them having to do with poo and than my mum wondered why I was so reluctant to go poo during the daytime hours. I'd wait until after dark in the winter and after supper in the summer, because I had it in my mind that poo was evil and it was evil to go poo during the brightest of the daylight hours. Another childhood memory that I have concerning poo, is straining to poop every time that we were going to take a long trip or a long ride somewhere, starting the summer that I was 8 going on 9. I would do anything that it would take for me to go poo, usually using a lot of force and I've damaged a lot of nerves and muscles in my rectum and anus doing that.

During my teens and twenties, I didn't have any feeling in that part of my body anymore. Somehow, I've managed to keep up my hygiene. In my 30s, my nerves and muscles were so shot back there, that I've lost a lot of control back there and I wear Depends these days. It's not as big of a deal as I thought it was in 2006 and 2007. There are two icons of the 1960s who started wearing them, one being my role model who started wearing them at a very young age of 22 or even sooner. I have a very good eye for detail looking at pictures and I can pick up on stuff like that. If you really want to know their names, the names are Mick Avory and Bob Dyllan. Both with either HFA or AS. That's just two successful people on the spectrum. You parents don't need to worry, because 70% of grown adults on the spectrum don't have those problems.

Why Didn't Pete Quaife Ask For A Kidney?

I know the answer to this question, all too well. The modern world was too much for him. He wanted to escape the modern world, when he was first diagnosed with Kidney Disease, in 1998. The thing is, that he wanted to leave the world in a natural way. That's why he didn't ask for a kidney.

I'd be the same way, if it happened to me. The modern world is not a nice place to be. I don't like the stuff that I see in the streets and on TV. I don't like the way that young girls dress, not expecting to get raped. Maybe Pete saw a lot of what I see, today. If that happens to me, I'll be doing the same.

It's Been Quite The Summer

It's been quite the summer for me. It didn't come off to a good start. Almost a year after I got my life back on track, and started listening to The Kinks once more, Pete Quaife the original Kinks base player passed away on June 23rd, 2010. I got no support from my mother when I told her about the news, when I've just found out, four days later. All that I got was an unneeded wake-up call from her, instead. "They're old! People don't last forever!" Now she's wondering at this very moment, why I didn't want to come over to her trailer this weekend. I was able to let it go. I just don't want my mum to see me struggling, that's all. She's a woman of the 21st Century. She will never under understand how the mind of an HFA 60s type Mod works.

All that I've done all summer was chores. I did those chores, just so I could bury my feelings and block my mum's words. I've also listened to a lot of Early Kinks music, because I'm not ready to change with the times, and to celebrate his life. I didn't go to any of the Stepping Stones baseball games, because there were more important things than baseball, this summer. I felt that it was more important to be the only one in my family, to give Pete a proper send off back home to God. I did that by using those Thursday evenings to listen to the Early Kinks from 2 in the afternoon until I'd go to bed, at 10.

The reason that I couldn't visit my mum this weekend, is because it's just too close to the date that it all happened, 4 months ago. Just because some people have autism and they're living in a time warp does not mean that they need a swift wake-up call, like the one that I was given by a family member, as I was trying to choke down my chicken, rice and corn, the moment that I was telling my mum the bad news.

Austin Powers Did Make Me Sick

Here's the reason why. A long time ago, on Saturday, May 3rd, 1997 I thought that Austin Powers would be my gateway to change. I started to wear loud clothes that my favourite performers wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole, except for The Beatles. I started to wear velvet, which was very hot to wear in the summer. I went from wearing my favourite ruffled Kinks inspired blouse, and started wearing an Austin Powers inspired pirate shirt. "I'll listen to The Kinks and The Who". changed to, "I'll listen to the radio to see how many songs they play from The Summer of Love, and I'll listen to Burt Bacharach, as well". Music that I never really cared for, to begin with. I don't even think that I was even looking at my CDs anymore, around my Birthday, that strange year of 1997. By May 3rd, 1998, I haven't listened to The British Invasion for three months, and I became very psychotic and depressed. Body weight and body image had nothing to do with it. I got sick, because I kept myself apart from the things that I loved, in particular, The Kinks. All that matters is that I'm taking the things that went wrong over the past 12 years, and making them right, again.

The Barbecue at The Pyrches

I went to a Barbecue with my clubhouse, Stepping Stones this evening. The family that hosted the event, also sponsors us around Christmastime, as well. I wore a nice top that was a fuller, more feminine version of the red top that Sid from Flushed Away wears, but it's pea green, bell-bottom jeans that I wear once in a while in the summer, when it's really hot outside and I want to look nice, and my green denim military style jacket. I also had my hair spiked with green hair gel.

Dean, Barb, Bonnie, Jane, Kyle, Linda H, Don P and I sat at the same table. We had hamburgers, hot dogs, salad, chips, pop and desserts. There were also different games to play. I played volley ball, badminton and boccie.

We also had door prizes. There were lots of pea green things on the table that I would have loved to have picked out. I did get to pick out something that I wanted, close to the end of the draw.

I had a really good time, and I look forward to doing it again, next year. :o)

Cultus Lake

I've had a really good day, yesterday. I was invited to go to Cultus Lake with my friend Dean, his mum, and another family. We sat in a shady area and chatted. Frida cooked us two rounds of food. There were ribs, smokies, hot sausages, regular sausages, and beef. I swam in the lake, after the first round of food. There was a lot of Canada Geese around the picknic tables. Baby Fe and her friend, Amanda fed the geese, and I watched the people have fun in the lake. We were also close to the washrooms, so I was happy about that. I had my little Sid with me. :o) It was cool in the morning, and than it got really hot, later in the afternoon. The heat didn't really bother me. I was just grateful that I got to have a break from the area, in which I live. A break from the kids who try to be Hollywood people. I look forward to doing it again, next year. It was a day made in Heaven.

I Have A Lot of Free Time To Enjoy

That woman who gave me that silent treatment on Canada Day pushed me away. She left a disheartening message on my machine, last week. She did phone two days later and apologized. I'm not going to phone her for a while. She clearly needs her space. I need my space as well. We have two different personalities. UK 70s and Millennium Mainstream.

As a result, I have a fair bit of free time. I have my craft projects that I want to get done, by sometime in October. I've been enjoying myself and getting a lot of that done. I've also tried to listen to some of my punk CDs, but my CD player is on the fritz. There are also many stores that I can walk to. I have a naughty secret as well. Sometimes I buy energy drinks, so I won't sleep through an entire summer's day of afternoon. I just find that I feel much more relaxed when I socialize on my own terms, on Saturdays, and the evenings that my two best rat mates and I stay home.

I know that things will repair themselves, but I'm not in a hurry, if it's going to make that woman feel uncomfortable. She has a lot of issues of her own that she's dealing with. I don't want to get caught up in that.

Until than, I will happily enjoy my free time.

Crappy Canada Day!

Canada Day was nothing like I've expected, this year. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong. First of all, my close friends and I didn't make it to the celebrations at the airport. The second thing that happened is that we had lunch at a restaurant, where the employees didn't care about the customers. The third thing that happened, is that some bully who goes to my clubhouse gained up on us, and started taking advantage of one of my lady friends. The fourth thing that happened, is that I said something nasty about mainstream society, and the younger friend that I was with, took it the wrong way, and gave me the silent treatment on the way home. My older friend and I went back to my place. I had a big, bloody meltdown, and all that she did was sit there and say nothing. Her response was, "You were fine at the park." She showed absolutely no empathy. I think she's got what I have, but a little worse, but I don't look down on her, the way that I look down on the NT ones who drop me as a friend, after a bad day. Crappy Canada Day, Rain Man! May you lose a neurotypical friend, today!

If my gentleman friend who's the driver decides not to go to the celebrations, next year, I'm going to complain that I have a head cold. I'm going to watch England win the final match in World Cup Soccer, with Sid the Rat. If England wins the World Cup, I'm going to walk to the hobby shop and buy myself a Routemaster, if I can find one. That will be my Non Canada Day.

Cheers

The World Needs People With Disabilities

I feel that the world needs people with disabilities. A lot of people with disabilities have a job, and many more are capable of being a part of the general workforce. A lot of my disabled comrades work at Tim Horton's. My friends and I see them when we go there, and they do a really good job, as well. That's not all. I have a disability, and I work. I clean parking lots for two hours in the mornings, for most days out of the week. I also volunteer once a week, for $100 a month and I'm also planning on selling my crafts at the flea market, sometime before Christmas. I think and feel that anybody who wants a job should have one, whether they have a disability or not. We are not a threat to the economy, and the economy would be a lot stronger, if all of my disabled comrades who wanted a job was given the opportunity to work. The first thing that we need, is more babies, with and without disabilities to be brought into this world. The second step is that every child must be raised to believe that they have something to offer to the world and the economy, from the time that they start kindergarten, until they graduate from high school. We'd have less autistic hippies and more autistic employees who are around the age of 17 or 18. I also feel that all prenatal testing has to be stopped, now. I think that it should be billed as a hate crime. It's called genocide. People with Down Syndrome are just as capable of holding down jobs, as well as the general population of employees. Some of them work in offices. How about people in wheelchairs who have little use of their bodies? These people can become very good authours or narrators. The authours can hire scribes to type their words, and the narrators can narrate a movie or a story by reading from a script. The world needs people with disabilities.