Counseling

I'm planning to see if I can get some free counseling somewhere. I have a lot of issues from my past that need to be resolved. I've been having flashbacks about the small handful of toilet accidents that I've had as a child. I didn't say 50 accidents, I said a handful. My 22 year old niece is in the very early stages of potty training. That's what triggered it. Each child is different and she hates getting her diaper changed, so that's the best for her.

After the four accidents that I was scolded and shamed for, I had a suicide attack once at the age of four, two suicide attacks at the age of 6 and a suicide attack at the age of 8. This is what I've read on the Internet somewhere:

I read in The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome that some autistic people have something like "suicide attacks", brief acute suicidal/depressive episodes that go away with rest.

Those are the attacks that I'm talking about. I've experienced one of those episodes after being scolded for a each poop accident as a child that I've mentioned. I don't feel suicidal by any means, but it's very scary to remember every word and emotion associated with those accidents. I need to talk to somebody about this, and my contact worker at my clubhouse isn't being very helpful, right now.